Ever found yourself in a sticky situation with a guy and do not know how to gently turn him down without hurting his feelings? You are not alone in this. There are very few men who are able to accept rejection with no trouble. For the majority of men, rejection is not easy. In this article, we will discuss how you can turn down a guy nicely while maintaining your boundaries simultaneously.
Why you should be decent when turning down a guy?
Rejection is never easy, especially when it is you turning down someone. On the receiving end of it there is a human being so you have to be careful how you string your words together. While you do not have to be very affectionate with guys you turn down, you must try to be empathetic because at the end of the day people have feelings. Psychological studies prove that when someone experiences rejection, the same areas of the brain that receive physical pain are activated, which is why rejection hurts a lot. Therefore, it is important when turning down someone you be kind and gentle with it.
Furthermore, as women there is always that added risk of a guy taking rejection the wrong way and then you paying the price for it. So, it is also essential for your safety as a woman that you are polite and considerate when rejecting a guy. While women are naturally more empathetic and tactful when it comes to matters of the heart, situations such as turning down a guy can turn out to be messy so it is always safe to be decent when doing so.
1. Breaking up over text is not decent
While it is much easier to text someone to let them know that you are no longer interested, it is not respectful or empathetic. Hiding behind a screen to reject someone makes you out to be cowardly and heartless. It takes away from the sensitivity such situations require. Moreover, it is important for the other person to understand what prompted this decision of yours. This is only possible when they can see your facial expressions, hear the tone of your voice and receive an explanation that is often lost in translation in text messages.
2. Honesty is definitely the best policy
It is important that you are honest about your feelings when you turn down a guy. This is especially true if you guys have had a couple of dates and afterwards you realize that you do not want to take it any further. It is not a respectful and empathetic thing to let someone question themselves if it was their fault for things not working out between the two of you. When you are honest with a guy about your reasons for turning him down, he will also feel heard and will respectfully retrieve his advances.
Moreover, it will also be beneficial for you in the long run if you are honest about your feelings. For example, if a guy asks you on a date, do not say you have a boyfriend if you are single. Simply let him know that you do not have romantic feelings for him so that he may not approach you again and again.
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3. Do not play the blame game
In order to be empathetic towards the guy you are turning down, it is important that you are not completely forward with your statements regarding how it was his faults that led you to this decision. This is because it will only make the situation messy and hurtful. Nothing of substance can be achieved if the conversation gets heated and bitter.
It is often advised to try a softer approach in order to avoid any tension. For example, instead of telling the guy that you do not find him attractive let him know that your interests are different from him, therefore it will not work out for you.
4. Do not overexplain
When trying to be considerate while turning down a guy, it is important that you are direct and upfront about it. If you start to explain yourself, you will find yourself in an uncomfortable situation where you might say things that were not supposed to be uttered. Furthermore, it will result in a lot of uncomfortable silences which you might want to avoid considering the act of turning down someone can already get awkward.
5. Physical traits are a no-go zone
One key rule that is a must to follow when rejecting a guy is never to tell him if there is something about his physicality that you do not like. Needless to say you will give him an insecurity which he will forever carry with himself. Guys, in particular, take pride in certain aspects of their looks such as their muscular body, thick beard as well as height. So, if you are going to question that you will forever make him conscious about his looks.
6. Giving false hopes is not good for anybody
Rejecting a guy might be anxiety-inducing for you especially if you are a people pleaser. This may lead you to giving false hope to the guy as a way of sparing his feelings and softening the blow. However, the only result this achieves is prolonging the healing process for him as he will be unable to completely move on. Furthermore, you will come off as manipulative since the guy will feel like you are playing games with him.
7. Start on a positive note
In order to soften the blow for the guy, you should try to begin the conversation on a positive note. Perhaps, begin the conversation by telling him that you think he is a great guy and any time that you guys have spent together has been fun. This will make him feel good about himself. Furthermore, when you will reveal to him that you are not interested in him he will not take it personally and it will help him move on with ease.
8. Avoid putting it off
It is advisable that you do not wait around when planning to turn down a guy. According to psychotherapist and relationship advisor, Christina Steinorth, “People build attachments over time and the more time and energy they invest in building a relationship with you, the more hurt their feelings are going to be when you tell them that their efforts and feelings aren’t mutual.” The more that you prolong it the harder it will get for you to turn him down. Moreover, he will also not be able to take it well.
Whether it is you at the receiving end of it or someone else, rejection never comes easy. Humans are complex creatures with feelings and emotions and it is, therefore, important to be kind and considerate when turning down someone’s proposal. Guys, in particular, have a hard time processing rejection so it becomes necessary to be gentle and tactful with them. You will be able to avoid a messy situation if you are empathetic and kind in your approach when turning down a guy.