Whoever said marriages were about couples bonding with unconditional love was wrong!
As blunt as it sounds, we have seen how marriages around us destroy due to low-key problems. Sometimes, we can’t believe the stories, but let’s face it – we all get pretty sensitive about our partners. We want them to be on the same page, reading the same chapter, and synching with all our demands.
But, this ain’t possible.
The world today is a vivid picture of liberty. Everyone yearns to voice their concerns, follow their dreams, and live their own way. In the midst of this, it isn’t wrong to have expectations from your better half. After all, who else would support you if not them?
If you manage, you can enjoy the union and make it last for a lifetime. However, it is essential to keep your expectations realistic. Let us check out the list of unrealistic expectations in marriage and try to kick them off!
1. My partner is my world
It may sound romantic when someone says, “you are my world!”
But, let’s be honest, no single human being can be a world to someone. You need a whole flock to ride in the world. Believing the opposite to this statement doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Remember, your partner can be playing plenty of roles at once.
He/she could be a friend, a mentor, a sibling, a child, an employee, and so much more. It would be unrealistic to expect that person to leave everything behind and be a part of your life. Expecting your partner to be your entire world and forgetting all his/her responsibilities would be a huge mistake.
Instead, learn how to cultivate a meaningful relationship with your partner. Learn how you can assist them to be a better person and fulfill their responsibilities better.
Related Article: 10 Principles that Make a Marriage Successful
2. My spouse will always keep me happy
Um, no. They aren’t ice cream!
Jokes aside, expecting your partner to bring a smile on your face every day is a huge mistake. There are real things in life they need to cater to. For instance, they are paying bills, fulfilling their goals, helping their parents, etc.
Yes, your partner will try to make you happy, but you should not expect this always. There will be days when you will make each other sad, but it is normal.
3. My spouse will never hurt me
This is another unrealistic marriage expectation that flushes away at your first fight.
No human being is perfect. There may be things that your spouse says or does that will hurt you. Sometimes they do it intentionally out of anger, and sometimes they do it unintentionally. Whatever is the case, you should learn how to sort out these problems.
Nonetheless, if it becomes a norm, this signifies a dooming relationship.
4. We will stay with each other 24/7
Expecting your partner to stick around you is typical in the initial days of marriage. But, over time, people start yearning for their own space. Although spending quality time together is a sign of a great relationship, you should allow your spouse to be alone too.
They may be fulfilling other responsibilities or simply relaxing on their own, don’t expect them to stick with you 24/7.
5. We will share everything
Everyone has their secrets. You may not know everything about your partner, especially in the early days. This is because most people aren’t comfortable sharing their past.
One of the unrealistic marriage expectations is to believe you know everything about your partner. If something from your partner’s past comes under your notice, you shouldn’t feel hurt. Make them comfortable so they can discuss with you and share how they feel.
6. We will always patch up before bed time
Sometimes, our emotions are all over the place. These are the days when minute things could cause sparks to fly around. If you and your spouse get into an argument these days, the chances of patching up are pretty low. Someone has to let go of their ego and apologize.
It is typical for partners to need a break. Allow yourself to sleep over it and you will find yourself with a calm brain the following day. And if this doesn’t happen, don’t lose hope in your marriage.
7. All problems can be solved
John Gottman, PhD, discovered that couples tend to argue about the same things two-thirds of the time. It is essential to identify the topics that lead to a heated discussion. Once you figure them out, learn how to resolve them respectfully.
Thinking that all problems could be resolved and you will always stay in a peaceful chapter of your life is an unrealistic expectation in marriage. There are times when both parties must compromise and unanimously agree on something that brings mutual benefits.
8. My spouse will always get me
Your partner cannot understand every flicker of emotion you experience. For example, men can never understand the childbirth pain experienced by their wives. On days when your hormones go crazy, they may take you as an insane lady who has lost all her senses. They may be sympathetic but expect them to know everything you feel is wrong.
9. My wife/husband can read my mind
Do you expect your better half to finish your sentences? Or, do you expect them to know all your food cravings without expression? If yes, you are making a massive assumption.
Yes, they may be spending loads of time with you, but they cannot read your mind. If they manage to read it some days, it is cute. However, expecting them to do it every day is wrong. Know that they are humans with a flawed judgment and chances of error.
Let’s say you enter your home after work with your stomach growling. You expect your better half to know about your state and assume that they have prepared your favourite meal only to discover that they haven’t. This could result in a huge fight that compels you to crash to bed empty stomach and wake up grumpy.
Knowing that your spouse won’t be able to determine everything you need is vital. A relationship should have expression and freedom that allows partners to talk freely.
10. We will do everything together
Bonding like this is exceptionally terrific. Couples who attend each others’ events and motivate each other can go places. However, most of this doesn’t happen in a practical world.
Spouses should discuss with their partners-to-be the involvement they could offer. For example, if the wife enjoys watching movies, the husband doesn’t have to sit on the couch. Given how chaotic our lives are, it is understandable when people discard this unrealistic marriage expectation.
Likewise, if the husband loves to watch soccer at the stadium, the wife doesn’t need to accompany him at every game. This is how you allow each other to learn and grow. Once the partners know what helps their other half to become happy, they should give them the space to do that.
A partner must enjoy their hobbies to be happy and contribute better to the marriage.
Unrealistic marriage expectations can drain the whole relationship. We live in a hyper-activated world and should give some leverage to our better halves. Anticipating them to be the perfect human could be a colossal mistake.