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Love vs Arranged Marriage

Love vs Arranged Marriage – Everything You Need to Know

There are two types of people in the world, one who favor love marriages and the other who prefer arranged setups. But which marriage type is actually better, is an ongoing debate. There are pros and cons of both these categories of marriage, and you need to analyze these in detail to decide where your vote will go. 

Well, the end goal is to achieve a successful marriage, and no matter what your approach is, you and your partner should adjust yourselves to suit each other. In arranged marriages, too, the norm is the presence of love, even if it develops at a later stage. And so, Gen Z strongly believes that love marriage is the best route to getting a perfect partner. As per the U.S. marriage statistics, 48% of men marry after love at first sight. Pew Research states that 88% of Americans state love to be an important reason to get married. These numbers clearly show that people in the U.S. prefer getting into bonds out of love.

But this does not endorse that love marriage is actually recommended. As per Statistic Brain, over 50% of world marriages are arranged. This clearly points out that despite changing attitudes, many people still go for an arranged marriage. And the divorce rate in cases of arranged marriages is 6.3% globally which is lower than the divorce rate of love marriages. 

To better understand which type should be preferred, let’s analyze the difference between love marriage and arranged marriage in detail. This will give you a clearer picture of the marriage route that is more suitable for you.

The ins and outs of arranged marriage

For people who are independent in their lives, arranged marriages sound like a nightmare. They can never anticipate anyone else to choose their life partners. But then what to do if your parents have suggested a companion who sounds just perfect? Look at the advantages and disadvantages, and you will be in a better position to decide for yourself.\

Pros of arranged marriages

1. Higher level of commitment

Since the parents and elders are involved right from the beginning, the commitment from the partner and his family is higher. A lot of promises are made from both sides and so breaking these bonds is not that easier. It is also worthy to note that more than 20 million arranged unions exist in the world today. This means that such kinds of relationships have a probability of lasting longer, and eventually, the people involved settle together and lead a pleasant life. 

2. Better chances of finding a perfect match

When your parents search for a proposal for you, they make sure to investigate everything in detail, unlike love marriages where you fall for the other person over one apparent quality and then get a lot of surprises along the way. In the case of arranged marriage, financial security, lifestyle, compatibility, cultural values, etc., are taken into account before moving ahead, and so these relationships promise more stability. Also, since your parents have seen the world more than you, they know what is the best and only dive into the commitment when they are pretty sure. This is the reason that whenever you try to look for the love marriage vs. arranged marriage success rate, you observe that the chances of survival are higher in the arranged setup. 

3. Strengthened family connections

Since arranged marriage is a commitment between two families, it enhances the ties between the people involved. For example, if you marry your paternal cousin, your father’s connection with his relatives will get stronger, and so none of the parties will try to create hurdles to give you a tough time to carry on with the marriage. Did you know that more than 10% of marriages worldwide are between cousins? This is surprising news, but given the stability, it’s quite justified to go for such a marriage.

These pros sum up everything, but then in marriages, nothing comes with a 100% guarantee. So let’s look at some cons too, and you will get a glimpse of the other side of the picture too.

Cons of arranged marriages

1. You are expected to live with a stranger

In arranged marriages, love develops over time, and so the idea of living with a stranger is haunting. At times, the couple adjusts well, but in certain cases, if one person is involved elsewhere, they would choose to remain a stranger, blaming the parents, and ruining their partner’s life. According to divorce researcher and author Dana Adam Shapiro, only 17% of married people are happy. Now that is quite a low number, isn’t it?

2. The family is involved all the time

Since the bond is planned by the families, their involvement is there 24/7, which is obviously not recommended for a healthy relationship. This is why maintaining privacy in arranged marriages becomes a challenge, and so the couple suffers. Also, if the marriage doesn’t work for any of the reasons, breaking it needs the involvement of everyone from the family tree, and so usually, the unhappiness extends due to all these limitations.

3. There may be no fit at all between the spouses

In arranged marriages, since the decision is taken by the third party, there is a probability in some cases that the couples are a misfit for each other. Trusting and loving each other does not occur on the spot, and so people develop stress and anxiety. At times a lot of time is needed for the marriage to work which is not always possible. This is why pew Research highlights love to be a primary reason for getting married in the U.S.

Related Article: 7 Signs You Are Not Compatible With Your Partner

Now let’s delve into the pros and cons of love marriage as many anticipate it to be a bed of roses only. In some scenarios where love supersedes everything else, this is possible, but this is not always the case.

The A-Z of love marriages

When people fall in love, everything seems secondary. But then, when you get married, you realize that love is not enough. So look at what love marriages offer as the complete package, and then you will be in a position to accept the realities.

Pros of love marriages

1. Freedom to choose your partner

Freedom is all that the younger generation wants. According to an article by Claudia St. John, Gen Z folks are independent and much more individualistic in their habits. This calls to show that independence matters a lot for the present generation. Love marriages give you the liberty to choose a partner who is compatible and goes well with you and your priorities.

2. Good level of coordination

Since the people know each other from before, the coordination and communication among the partners are better. You know each other’s habits, and so you can work in the right direction early on. Research also points out that knowing your partner well and maintaining friendship is important for happiness in a relationship. So in love marriages, the homework is already done, you just need to move forward to get that contentment you are looking for.

3. You are always ready to make adjustments

Since you choose your partner on your own and there is love, you choose to adjust as much as possible. You cannot imagine living without them, and so work every way to make the relationship last. This way, no one suffers.

Cons of love marriages

1. Less support from family

You often choose your partner against your family’s will, losing their consent, support and prayers. This means that the problems are only yours and so you would have to deal with them alone. Hence be ready to face the consequences and raise your kids single-handedly if it doesn’t work.

2. Too many surprises

Marriage is a long-term bond, and it’s not like the dates you carry on, where everything is so good. When reality hits, and the responsibility factor peeps in, there are chances that you would be too surprised. Also, in love, you seem to ignore the other person’s shortcomings, but in marriage, nothing can be overlooked for a long time, and so continuing becomes difficult.

3. Less preparation leads to dissatisfaction

Since you don’t work on anything else except love, the bills, the expenses, the cost of living, etc., hit you really hard. If you haven’t made the necessary preparations, you will likely suffer every minute. Plus, as you don’t even have family support, continuing in such circumstances becomes nearly impossible. Hence many couples tend to part ways sooner or later. 

Parting thoughts

Although the love marriage success rate is lower, the notion that love marriages fail always is not true. Marriages are long-term bonds, and the relationship needs some time and nurturing to make it work. Everything depends on the individuals involved. If you set your boundaries and expectations right from the beginning, your ties with each other will go stronger, giving you the opportunity to stay with your preferred partner forever. 

Anoshia Riaz

Anoshia is an expert on home improvement, personal care, marriage, and parenting from Pakistan. She is highly passionate about human psychology and the mystic ways it works. When outside her role, she loves to read and travel.

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