You must have heard them say: “The first year of marriage is the hardest.”
This is applicable in most cases. But, if you work from the roots, you can make this year the best one. And others to come. All it takes is learning some rules, applying them to your relationship, and understanding how to make them last.
Today, we are equipped with more tools and resources than ever before. Look up “what makes a marriage successful,” and you will get thousands of answers. Finding a tip that works in your case could be like finding a needle in the haystack. However, once you get your hands on that needle, there will be nothing in your married life but bliss and satisfaction.
Although most of us tend to make mistakes in our marriage, let’s not forget that we should stay on our toes. Understand what makes a great marriage and put your best effort into it. Let us scan the ten principles you should follow to find what makes a great marriage.
1. Let go of the past
Remember, you are starting a new chapter of your life. Continuing the same book would be a mistake.
For instance, if you are the husband and your father was the one who made every decision in your family, it doesn’t mean the same norms should continue here. It would be best to examine your community and understand what happens here. If the lifestyle sounds good for you, adopt it in your home too.
Adhering to the rules from the past can ruin your relationship. Moreover, forgetting the past and evolving your mindset is also a key to a successful marriage. Learn to forgive those people who have wronged you, understand your mistakes, and vow not to repeat them in the future.
2. Set a time to share personal issues
No matter how chaotic your lives are, it would be best if you were spending time with your better half every day. Talk about your experiences, feelings, and perceptions. This is your time to make decisions about your future. Chalk out your financial plans, family goals, kids’ schools, and much more.
Don’t allow procrastination, arguments, ego, or weariness to deprive you of sharing time. This is when you can make crude judgments and ensure you are on the same wavelength.
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3. Listen more, talk less
Learn to hear and fathom what your spouse says. It will help if you aren’t in a hurry to suggest, reject, condemn, or respond. This may look like disrespect or invalidation. Most people won’t know, but this is what makes a happy marriage.
It would help if you learned how to become a good listener. Even if your partner is saying something you disagree with, let them express their beliefs. You may find some strings you can pull or methods you can use to make them understand.
4. Resolve your problems before jumping into the relationship
Every relationship has its ups and downs. If you and your loved one had some differences before you bonded into marriage, you should clear them out. Any unresolved issues you may have about anyone or anything will hurt you later.
Carrying baggage from the past into the new journey could ruin things in the longer term. Before you start arguing about who is right and who is wrong, conduct small discussions. This will liberate you from nasty fights and emotional side effects.
5. Spend time with yourself
A person must love himself/herself before they begin loving someone else. Remember that you cannot give what you don’t have.
One should know how they can pamper themselves. Besides this, learn your strengths and weaknesses to understand what makes you happy and how you can grow. Practice self-love in the following few ways:
- Spend some time with yourself
- Stay mindful of how you are spending your time
- Remove toxic people from your life
- Don’t feed garbage to your brain
- Take care of your diet
Loving yourself is the first step in contributing your love to the new relationship.
6. Always be honest
One of the elements of a healthy relationship that you need to give your better half is honesty. Share your fears, anxieties, dreams, and aspirations.
Keep in mind – most arguments happen because people don’t agree with each other due to their anxiety and fear. Honesty isn’t a requirement for the first few months of a relationship. It is a constant requirement of a marriage that never ends.
7. Resist the temptation to control your partner
Any disrespectful act or behavior to your better half could bring a considerable dent in your relationship. If you find that your partner doesn’t appreciate the way you talk and it hurts their self-esteem, you should try to make amends.
For starters, you should apologize. Next, you must tell them that you will try your best to overcome this pattern. Dominating your other half is not what makes a great marriage. Instead, it is the opposite. People need to understand that their spouses will accept them in every state. They need an assurance that you are a partner, not a boss who governs the house.
8. Try to change yourself
Trying to change your spouse is understandable if they are indulged in self-harm or illegal practices. If your case isn’t extreme and you feel like your personality lacks flexibility, you should work on it.
The only person who can make your marriage a great one is you. Take time to reflect on your behavior that is burning your relationship with your spouse. Then, understand how you can amend it. If you have always wondered what makes a successful marriage, let us give you one of the most common answers – flexibility.
When people are ready to bring some changes in their personalities, they can see themselves going far in the future. When your spouse sees that you are working hard on yourself, they will appreciate and make amends.
9. Prioritize your partner
Our careers and education are an essential part of our lives. So are our kids, their education, and friends. When trying to balance it all, people often overlook the rights of their spouses. The time they spend together continues to decrease, which impacts their relationship.
Your home is your haven. You should feel free here and find time with your partner. Despite all your commitments, you should fulfill the needs of your partner first. Take out chunks from the day where you can connect with them and resolve the issues you are facing. A good relationship doesn’t believe in making excuses.
10. Have realistic expectations from each other
We all are guilty of having an ideal persona in our minds who would become our better half. But, life isn’t all about rainbows and unicorns. Every person has flaws and vital elements. You should enter into the marriage after you have endorsed these feelings of your better half.
Know that these are also humans with career ambitions, perceptions, and emotions. Learn how you can respond to their troubles and pave your way out of the pebbles life throws at you. Expecting your better half to be that perfect hero from your favorite love story can gradually crumble everything to dust.
Conflicts are part and parcel of married life. However, dealing with those conflicts is what makes a marriage successful. It would help if you always worked at your best to make the relationship work. Many services are present today that help couples deal with their troubles and form life-long relationships. If you find yourself in a challenging situation and none of the mentioned rules seems to work out, feel free to seek a piece of advice from an expert.
Marriage is a sacred bond. Letting it go away like sand slipping from your hands can disturb you for a long time. Pushing yourself to the limits and working toward a joyful future is vital.