Are you feeling that your life has become a living hell due to the people – especially your mother-in-law- around you? Well, this relationship itself is too sensitive, and so no matter how hard you try, there is some level of uneasiness that remains between the two of you.
The lady who is your husband’s mother considers you the culprit for stealing her boy, and so does everything to make your life difficult. Or maybe she has been that way from the beginning, it’s just that now she has access to someone to vent out on. In any case, your and your husband’s sanity gets at stake, and therefore you need to work a way out before it’s too late.
At one time, you would consider quitting everything and leaving the man you love, but that is not a good solution. Expecting your spouse to leave his mother is not a viable solution either. But then the good news is that there are many ways that can help you in dealing with such a lady while keeping your mental health intact. You just need to take the right steps at the right time, and you can overcome all the obstacles that come your way.
So, without wasting even a second, let’s look at these ways so that you can enjoy your life with your partner and maybe turn this lady of the house in your favor.
1. Maintain your distance
A little distance in every kind of relationship is healthy. So in case your mother-in-law is a woman with negative thoughts, you need to keep yourself away from her. The tougher her access to you, the lower the chances of stealing the joy from your life. If the need arises, you should limit your level of communication and also stop yourself from offering those additional favors to her. Some people are not worth your time and efforts, and the earlier you realize it, the better it is. Also, don’t seek her approval for everything you do. The chances are that she will ruin your plans. Plus, buying her ideas for the definition of your personality is a big no as this will only hurt your feelings and make you depressed about something that is simply not worth it.
2. Avoid getting triggered
A toxic mother-in-law is always on the hunt to have fights and make you the villain in front of your spouse. Don’t give her the opportunity. Make your mind so strong that any undue arguments don’t bother you. If you learn to ignore, you will get the power to make all your mother-in-law’s missions unsuccessful. Once you react, her tears will win all the sympathy, and she will get a chance to portray you as the bad girl in front of everyone else.
Related Article: 7 Powerful Ways to Heal From a Toxic Relationship
3. Allow your partner to step in
One point to remember when you are stuck on finding ways on how to deal with a toxic mother-in-law is that your husband’s parents are his responsibility, and hence he should take charge. Since you have taken all the steps to enhance your relationship, and it is still not working, let your partner know that he will need to intervene and be the contact person between you and his mother.
One golden rule here is to avoid misbehaving with your mother-in-law in any case, as this will only make your spouse more protective of her and less supportive of you. You just need to stay calm and keep more distance, and your husband can take care of his parents.
4. Set your boundaries
In every relationship, setting boundaries is very important. While you set boundaries, you also need to be very loud and clear that these will not be broken for anyone. Tell your mother-in-law your available timings so that she knows you have a private life and it should not be invaded at all times. Also, stop going the extra mile to make her or anyone from the extended family happy.
Moreover, it is important to make it obvious that any kind of comparison in the house will not be entertained. If her daughter visits her every day and is stated to be the most caring person, then tell them you will be putting in the same level of effort, but for your parents- this is how it’s going to be balanced, right? So the next time she plans to praise her niece or her other blood relative, she will be very careful as she knows you will not allow anybody to go off limits.
5. Try to de-escalate the issues
Living in a toxic environment is, although very difficult, but then losing your cool will only add fuel to the fire. Your anger is justified, but then your husband’s mental peace is at stake, so you will have to find ways to de-escalate the issues for your and your lover’s sanity. Also, since the woman in the house will not get a chance to pick on you, the probability is that she is going to give up soon.
6. Seek external therapy and support
In most cases, the husband is in the denial phase and will not accept his mother’s mistake even after witnessing it from his own eye. At times, the mommy is smart enough to trick him into believing that you are the one spreading negativity. What do you do in such cases where you cannot leave and have to bear everything with patience?
Well, seeking professional help is highly recommended. A professional knows their job quite well and will help you identify ways on how to deal with a toxic mother-in-law in a more precise manner. Work with them to devise plans that will go in your favor and make you strong to deal with all the negatives surrounding your life.
7. Be forgiving
This point in the list might surprise you, but you need to forgive people for your own good. The more you dive into things, the more you will suffer. So, just move on. You have a beautiful life ahead, and you don’t want your mother-in-law’s nature to make things worse for you in the future also. But remember, forgiving doesn’t mean allowing her to stay in your life. Part your ways and forget about what she has done. Keep in mind that forgiveness is not easy and requires a lot of consideration and thought. If forgiving your mother-in-law can keep you with the love of your life, it’s definitely worth a try.
8. Don’t lose your personality
The best advice here is to be yourself. You are calm and composed and don’t make plans to let anyone down. Stay that way. If your mother-in-law is using some tactics to make your life hell, don’t think of being like her. Also, thinking of taking revenge is so low, and you would definitely not want to go to that level. So be true to yourself and let karma do the trick.
9. Don’t expect anything
If you don’t expect anything from your in-laws, you will never be disappointed. When you step into the house for the first time after your marriage, you have a lot of expectations. Later on, you realize you have to deal with a toxic-natured woman on a daily basis, who is the most important person for your husband. What happens, then? Your world suddenly turns upside down.
Remember that people will only hurt you if you allow them to. If you think they will call the doctor when you are sick, give you royal treatment for being an obedient daughter-in-law, and will appreciate your efforts and respect your time, then you are at fault. The formula for success in such cases is not to expect and also not raise the bar of expectations. This way, you can at least offer some peace to your mind and not get hurt every time no one bothers to pay attention to your rights and wrongs.
10. Stop overthinking
Many studies in the past have shown that pondering on stressful events can lead to anxiety and depression. You already have so much negativity around, and you obviously don’t want to add to the miseries by letting stress and anxiety make their way into your life. So just forgive and forget and enjoy the beauties that life has planned for you.
A toxic mother-in-law will never work on things herself, and since her toxicity affects you, you need to take charge. Use the above-mentioned tips and also make communication an important weapon to save your relationship with your beloved husband. It will take time, but sooner or later, you will start loving your life.